YOU... WERE... A... FAT... CHILD!

So as I sit here eating some Cocoa Pebbles I have to wonder. Why do cereal boxes always have dumb mazes on the back?

I mean really, what the fuck? Take the one on the back of this box I'm eating off of right now. The maze in this one is like the most pointless thing ever. It's seriously solved in like 2.5 seconds. If you're going to put a maze on the back of my fucking cereal box at least make it somewhat challenging. Not even a 2 year old would have trouble with this shit.

Except just kidding, I don't want you to put any mazes on my cereal at all. Nevermind the fact that it's not going to keep even a monkey entertained, what exactly is the point of putting them there? I don't get it. Do people go into the supermarket, grab a box of cereal and think "Oh yeah, this one has a fucking maze on the back. I'm sold!"

Fuck no, you idiots. People think "Holy fuck, Captain Crunch! This shit tastes like a whole spoonful of awesome!" I mean, I know kids are pretty dumb, but I doubt they're dumb enough to make their purchasing decisions based on your shitty maze. So stop putting them on the back of my cereal, you're not impressing anybody.

Shit man. Cap'n Crunch is awesome. I wish they sold it here. But no. They only sell crappy rip offs. God dammit. The things I have to settle for.